Friday, September 3, 2010

Oh, Heaven Help Us.....

...for we are attempting this:

and so far it has been anything but fun.

(Warning: potty talk ensuing. Please don't read if this will make you uncomfortable and/or squeamish).
Let's just re-cap my morning to illustrate:
  • Will refuses to wear big boy underpants, but also refuses to wear a wet diaper. What will he wear? Why, nothing. He just wants to be naked. Dressing him has become quite the nightmare.
  • This morning Will goes twice in the big boy potty--he just comes up to me and tells me he has to go (success!).
  • We run a couple errands where one such errand is to purchase some M&Ms as bribery for going on the big boy potty. He stays dry for the hour of errand running.
  • We come home, he goes pee-pee in the big boy potty and receives an M&M (success!).
  • He insists on staying on the potty so that he can go again in order to receive another M&M.
  • He sits on the potty for about 10 minutes.
  • I leave him on the potty for all of two minutes until I suddenly hear an, "Oh no, oh no, oh no!" scream coming from the bathroom.
  • You guessed it (#2) is ALL over the step-stool and ALL over the floor and ALL over Will's leg.
  • We clean it up yet Will still insists on sitting on the potty (he loves M&Ms). He tells me he has to go poo-poo again. Right.
  • He sits on the potty for another 5-10 minutes while I clean up the kitchen. Once again I hear another, "Oh no, oh no, oh no!" coming from the bathroom.
  • This time Will has shoved enough toilet paper in the toilet to cause the toilet to overflow. Water is everywhere and the toilet is still running. Arghh.
  • Will still insists on sitting on the potty though it is past lunch and nap time and even though the floor around him is drenched in toilet water.
  • Finally, I pry him off the potty, kicking and screaming, force feed him lunch and get him down for a nap.
  • Now, not only is my house a disaster but it also doesn't smell like roses either. Per-fect. Plus, I'm scarfing enough M&Ms to make some kind of record. I have no kind of self control when it comes to those delicious morsels. Chocolate covered in a candy shell? Ingenious.
  • I think I quit.
  • And let's not even talk about what happened last week at Chipotle when Will's five-year-old niece insisted that Will had to go to the bathroom. Let's just say I'm never using public restrooms again.

Now, it's your turn. Please tell me that you are having just as miserable time as I am. However, if you are one of those people whose child potty trained in one day (which I totally think is an urban myth), then don't comment or brag. Misery loves company--I only want potty horror stories. Or advice. Or an offer to come to my house and personally potty train my child while I go out shopping and get a pedicure.


jess said...

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! potty training is THE WORST. seriously, that is when i realized i have zero patience. at least will wants to sit on the toilet. owen refused. or he would sit there (us forcing him) for 10 min and do nothing, but the second we put his pants back on he'd poop. of course. oh how i wish i never had to do it again...
good luck. may the force be with you.

Ryan and Angela said...

Seriously? LL Bean? Get that kid some better reading material.

Vickie Blanchard said...

You poor thing! I dread potty training. But you're not alone. One of my friends went "cold turkey" and even though she had her son potty trained in 3 days she thought she ruined her relationship with him (turns out, she didn't). Another friend of mine has had her daughter paint her room (and all her toys and walls in it) with poop from dirty diapers during potty training. This is what I fear!

Nikki said...

After 3 kids you would think I would know what I'm doing with potty training, but I'm still pretty baffled. My latest philosophy I think comes from Joseph Smith--"teach them correct principles and then let them govern themselves." After this third go round I'm convinced that after you have taught them what they need to know and given them opportunities to practice, they have to make up their minds to make the change. Until they do, it is nothing but work and messes to clean up. And then, even after they've decided to make that big change in their lives, there are accidents . . .thank goodness for pull-ups. :)

Emily said...

After potty training two kids, you'de think I could easily do #3. With my boys, no biggie. That was one of my 2 goals for the summer. After day 2, I quit, Aly's still in diapers and I have no plans of trying again anytime soon. Also, my other goal of getting Spence to ride his bike w/out training wheels, also failed. Yep, summer is officially over in 3 days when school starts and I dropped the ball on both things...I've decided we'll all live and these things will happen eventually. They're growing up too fast anyways. Does this rationality make me a bad mom...or possibly keep me sane and therefore a better one? Good luck!!!
(BTW, fall is a fun time to visit DC~or Leesburg, just sayin!)

Jeff and Erika Mitchell said...

Oh the joys! I don't think there would be such a big diaper business if it was so easy...Lets just say we have come home many times going commando!